The Chesterfield McFisticuffs Blog

Analyze THIS

In my boredom at work - and through the help of one Stephanie Haggarty - I've discovered the wonderful world of the Face Analyzer. This so-called Face Analyzer can allegedly take a photo that is submitted by the user and analyze that photo and determine what gender and race you are, as well as give you certain insights about your character, such as your ambition, intelligence, honor, promiscuity, and even what your income is. All of this information can be given to you based on a single profile photo in which the only requirement is that it is a front shot of just your face and shoulders. There's a great message for kids... On one hand you've got your parents, teachers, and even those motivational speakers tell you that you can't judge others on what's outside and it's what's on the inside that counts while Face Analyzer disregards all such inner beauty and assigns you a set of ratings based solely on a picture of your face!

Not only does Face Analyzer claim to be able to give you a characteristic profile based on one picture of you, they claim to have a technology that backs up their claims. They also have access to the most recent developments in the field of evolutionary psychology which evidently makes them able to provide you with a patented process that correlates facial characteristics to personality traits. Not only does this claim render your B.A. in Psychology obsolete, it also tells you that something like the size of your nose or the shape of your jaw either dictates - or is dictated by - your personality type.

Here is a step by step rundown of the process that Face Analyzer uses (taken directly from their website) interspersed with my own commentary and observations.

1) Your picture is sent to our facial recognition engine.

OK, so one would figure this is a pretty basic step in the process. Even skeptics of this Face Analyzer gig would acknowledge that its probably pretty likely that software and a set of algorithms could determine the sex and race of the individual who uploads the photo. It would appear that it is safe to say that this section of the process is the least likely to break down. WRONG! They can't even get past this part of the process. I sent my picture in for analysis, and this was the result of step #1:



Now I don't know about you, but I don't need a facial recognition software to tell me that the person in that picture is a caucasian male. However, it would appear that Face Analyzer does not reach the same deduction as the human eye. According to this software, my racial breakdown is 77% South East Asian and 23% Chinese. Not only is my face paler than a sheet, but ironically enough, the picture does contain a certain hooded sweatshirt that has "CANADA" emblazoned across it in large block letters. But who would expect that to be factored into the "complex" algorithms of a super computer?

One amusing feature of this service is that it provides you with a celebrity match, or look-alike based on the "expert" analysis. I was intrigued to see which celebrity I would be likened to, and was extremely surprised to find that these complex algorithms determined that the celebrity that I look most like is none other than...



MIKE TYSON!!!

2) The world's most accurate facial recognition software determines the placement of major facial characteristics (e.g. nose)

The world's most accurate facial recognition software?? That must be a joke, considering this caucasian male was just likened to a psychotic black man with a hideous tattoo placed strategically around his eye. I'm willing to overlook the fact that my celebrity lookalike is a convicted felon who has a taste for earlobe.

I also find some humor in the boasting nature behind this statement that celebrates the fact that it can determine the placement of major facial characteristics. THIS JUST IN... a 4 year old can tell you the placement of such characteristics thanks to miraculous advancements in kindergarten education. Just to clarify, eyes come in pairs, and are situated at the upper area of the face, evenly spaced... The mouth is located near the base, and the nose, which is the prized example of the aforementioned statement is located in between the eyes and the mouth, right in the middle of the face. If you need facial recognition software to tell you that kind of information, then you might want to re-evaluate your education.

3) The measurements of these major characteristics are then inputted into the Faceanalyzer algorithms.

I think that this statement has been rendered irrelevant at this point. We've already seen the much acclaimed FaceAnalyzer algorithms in action, and let's face it, they are nothing to boast about. I also find it hard to believe that the measurements of these characteristics can give insight into my income, but I digress... The only thing left at this point is to see the fruits of the algorithms' labor.

4) Your statistics are sent back to the page for you to view!

Lastly, and certainly not least, the results of Face Analyzer's analysis and their accompanying comments:

Intelligence -- 5.1 ----------> Average Intelligence
Risk -- 5.5 ----------> Average Risk
Ambition -- 6.0 ----------> Average Ambition
Gay Factor -- 1.1 ----------> Very Low Gay Factor
Honor -- 4.3 ----------> Average Honor
Politeness -- 5.7 ----------> Average Politeness
Income -- 5.7 ----------> $30,000 - $50,000
Sociability -- 5.8 ----------> Average Sociability
Promiscuity -- 4.1 ----------> Low Promiscuity

So apparently, I'm average in every sense of the word. They were right on two counts, at least, I'm not gay nor am I anywhere close to being gay, and I'm not promiscuous at all. It's also great to know that my future income is limited to no higher than $50,000. Hell, since face analyzer is obviously so advanced, it must know more than I do, and that means I might as well forget about aspirations of management.

Not that I think I'm simply average in some of the characteristics that were listed there, but it's pretty safe to say that you could peg a large number of the population accurately by stating that they are average. I don't need complex algorithms and a super computer to tell me that much. The Face Analyzer is a ridiculous concept that provides amusement and is at best, a unique way to kill time. So, if you're bored one day and feel the need for some useless entertainment, send your photo in to Face Analyzer.com and their boasted 87% accuracy rate! If you can't spare the time, just take a quick glance in the mirror or ask a friend, because I'm sure they could surpass 87% accuracy without a second thought.

posted by Chesterfield McFisticuffs III @ 9:22 p.m.