The Chesterfield McFisticuffs Blog

12 Friends Every Guy Should Have... PART 1

Well, it's been a while, but I've been working on this entry for a long time, trying to get everything right. This is part 1, with part 2 on it's way in a few days. Hope you enjoy it. (I have to give credit to AskMen.com, which published an article entitled "11 friends every guy should have", from which I got my idea. Note: I used all of my own titles for friends for all but 2 people, and when I borrowed a title, I either re-wrote the description or added to it.)

The Party Animal: CHRIS HARRIS



He's a lazy, unemployed bum, teetering on the edge of vagrancy, but somehow he always has the resources and the wherewithal to want to party 24/7. He is loud, obnoxious, and sleeps in until 3 PM every day, but he always manages to be the life of the party. He has a complete disregard for the fact that you have employment obligations and expects you to value a good time over keeping your job and maintaining a steady income.

Why he's an asset: Whether it's morning, noon, or night, he is ready, willing, and able to have a good time. He is always in the mood for the consumption of junk food and he boosts your self esteem because his physique reflects it.


The Fitness Guy: MIKE MACKNEER



A combination of Tony Little and Dr. Phil, this friend has the uncanny ability to inspire your body, mind and soul. He's a trusted companion in the weight room who will make sure you stay focused no matter how many hard female bodies are bent over the nautilus equipment. He's usually entertaining whenever any form of urban music is playing, as he can dazzle the masses by flexing his individual pectoral muscles along with the beat.

Why he's an asset: He motivates you to stay in shape and spots you in the weight room. As long as you take his advice, you'll never get scurvy... again. If you ever need to know which way it is to ehe beach, he's your man.


The Wingman: ADAM TRINDER



Like a Tonto to your Lone Ranger, the wingman's goal in life is to make sure you get lucky. He's there to brag about your prowess, back up your laughable lies and cockblock the competition.

Why he's an asset: Easily one of your most selfless friends, the wingman is always willing to take one for the team. When in the presence of a possible love interest, he'll laugh at your jokes no matter how terrible they are, and he will always back up your bold statements with a "Hell yes!", or a "Damn Straight!" When absolutely necessary, he'll even slow dance with your pickup's Sasquatch-like friend just so you can have some alone time.


The Miscellaneous Race Friend: Frank Sinatra



Like "Fez" in That 70's Show, this friend is the lone minority in a group of friends that otherwise contains only Caucasian males. He's always there to force you to try spicy ethnic foods which may or may not include "Korean BBQ", and which ensure your bathroom attendence will reach peak levels in the days that follow.

Why he's an asset: You get instant credibility with the ethnic group that is his origin and are automatically labelled "NOT A RACIST". As a result of hanging out with him you gain insight into the mind of someone who is not "whitewashed" and therefore can officially call yourself cultured.


The Pushover: ADAM CLARKE



An all-around good guy, he is always willing to help out out when you're in need - and even more importantly - just for the sake of helping you out. He is too nice for his own good and therefore is sarcastically pegged as the "bitch" in your group of friends.

Why he's an asset: No matter how disgusting or inconvenient the favor you need is, he will be there for you. Whether it's fetching a beer from the fridge or cleaning your 4 week old dishes, no task is too gruesome for him.


The Drinking Buddy: MIKE HAMILTON



The drinking buddy is always around when there is an opportunity to down ridiculous amounts of alcohol. To him, it doesn't matter if it's 1:00 PM or 1:00 AM, because there is no wrong time to have an ice cold beer in hand. He'll egg you on when you need it and call you a "panty waist" when he must, all while drinking Ireland under the table. Chances are you've been going out to bars with him for nearly half your life and you still only know him by his nickname.

Why he's an asset: Not only does he have your back in the event of a rowdy bar fight, he's also willing to buy rounds in order to get the party started. Let's be honest: He might not be much of a designated driver and his financial advice is misguided at best, but no one's better when it comes to anchoring your boat race.

posted by Chesterfield McFisticuffs III @ 1:33 a.m.