The Chesterfield McFisticuffs Blog

Half Man, Half Amazing

Often, when I was growing up I would complain to my parents about certain rules that were in place, regardless of whether they were household rules or society's rules. I'm sure it was the same for all of you when you were growing up as well. However, as you grow older, you realize the necessity for these rules, as they are in place to maintain a certain order within society. Yet, despite this realization, you still feel restricted by society's rules, as if they are unjust and unwarranted, or simply downright absurd. Well, there's a reason for this, and this reason exists in just about every state and province in North America, and it goes to the tune of the following:

For example, in Tucson, Arizona, it is illegal for women to wear pants. In Arkansas, a man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. In Wichita, Kansas, it is illegal to carry a concealed bean snapper (side note: I'll carry my bean snapper any damn way that I please, concealed or not). There are various laws like these that exist all over the place, some as laughable as the first one listed and others as equally horrifying as the latter two, with one obviously being more horrific than the other.

It's these laughable laws and rules that make you wonder, "Who the hell comes up with these things?". Not only does it make you think that, but it also makes you wonder who in the world is going to enforce a law such as the one that dictates how often a man is allowed beat his wife in Arkansas. One of these instances cropped up this week while I was browsing random news articles on the web.

The article that grabbed my attention had a very unsual title, sticking out in bold letters, and was as follows: "Legless Football Player Sidelined Over Knee Pad, Shoe Rule".



Now, I'll be the first to admit that the first unusual thing that jumped out (please forgive the pun, it was unintentional) at me from this title was the fact that it involved a legless football player. It would seem that this designation would be a little oxymoronic, but I digress. The other thing that stuck out in the title of this article was the fact that it seemed that this legless football player was being prohibited from playing the sport he loves because he failed to don protective equipment for body parts that he does not have. The rule that he had been apparently breaking stated that all high school football players in the state of Ohio have to wear shoes and knee pads or they would be removed from the game. As a result, Bobby Martin was removed from his team's game at halftime. Now I've heard some instance of rules being ridiculously enforced in my time, but this one takes the cake.

This guy probably feels centred out enough on a daily basis, what with having no legs and all, without having national exposure brought upon him because of this moronic event. I would have loved to know what was going through the head of the game official whose job it had been to tell this kid that he couldn't play anymore.

All ranting aside, and at the risk of sounding really really insensitive, there were several items in this article that made me laugh and I can't resist sharing them. The first of these is the first quote from Bobby Martin. When asked how this incident made him feel, he replied, "This is the first time in 17 years that I've actually felt disabled". Either this kid is really really good at lying, or he is living in a parallel universe where people who don't have legs don't notice that they are missing two major limbs.

The second thing in the article that brought a smile to my face was a sidenote that he was also a member of the school wrestling team and was running for homecoming king. They just couldn't resist throwing those tidbits in there in order to leave this story open-ended for follow-ups on the "exploits of Bobby Martin." For all of you readers keeping track at home, the key word there is exploits. As if the kid hasn't been humiliated enough, local and national outlets are ready to turn him into a massive sideshow. Good job America.

On the plus side, one mistake has been rectified and Bobby Martin is once again allowed to take the field as a member of the punt return team. When asked if he had any encouragement for anyone else in his situation, he said, "Try new things in life, that's what life's all about. Don't look at me as having no legs, just look at me standing six feet tall".

Great advice in itself Bobby, but last time the athletic board in Ohio followed your advice, you got kicked off the team for not wearing shoes.

posted by Chesterfield McFisticuffs III @ 2:41 a.m.