The Chesterfield McFisticuffs Blog

A Primer in Creating Your MSN and IM Identity (Part 2)

As promised, here is part 2 of 3 in a series teaching you how to create your MSN Identity.

After determining which classification of photo best suits your MSN needs, it is important to create an MSN name that not only identifies who you are but also defines your character and your personality.

There are 6 distinct categories of MSN names that exist, each as generic as all the others. No matter how unique you think you are when you come up with an MSN name, you will ultimately end up with a name that falls under the wings of one or more of these categories. The kicker is, none of them are any good.

1) The "Hopelessly Romantic" name (also known as the Pathetically Romantic name... or just drop the Romantic part so it just reads "hopeless"): The Hopelessly Romantic name is one of my favorite categories, mainly because it's so hilarious. For one, its not as popular as you think it is, and that reason alone makes it funny because the person who uses this category thinks that its normal for the average couple to proclaim their love for each other over the world wide web. Examples of this type of name can be: "Baby, I'm so in love with you", or "I love you so much, you are my world". Anything along those lines can work. I think that the people who choose this type of name are some of the least self conscious people around. I mean, I'm sure your significant other knows how much you care about them, and if they don't, an MSN name probably isn't the proper medium with which to let them know. Using this type of name is the equivalent of making out in front of your parents. Please, if you really want to be mushy with your potential future spouse, use the phone, at least we don't have to listen to it.

2) The "Inside Joke" name: It could be something that was said when you were out the night before, or a comment about an experience that you shared with a friend of yours at some point, but ultimately it only has relevance to to you and the people you shared it with. Outside of those people, no one really cares. You either have this name because you feel the need to change your MSN name and you have no idea what to change it to, or you're starved for attention and you want someone to ask you the meaning of the name so you can tell them the relatively unfunny story behind it. An example of this name is "Batten down the hatches MATEY... Great Night Boys!". I'm sure it was a great night, and if you enjoyed it so much, maybe bring it up with that group in casual conversation. Also, I don't have a clue on earth what hatches or "matey" have to do with anything, but I do know that I really don't care.

3) The "Deeply Philosophical" name: This name is either a philosophical statement or a direct quote, most of the time profound, from someone famous. This type of name most often appears when the user is confused, or going through trying times, and as a result they feel the need to take inspiration from elsewhere. Either that or they just want to seem like they are smarter than you. Examples of such are "There is no afterlife, so live for the moment", or "Only the descent into the hell of self-knowledge can pave the way to godliness." That's all well and good, but how does posting such inspiration on your MSN name help you? Wouldn't it be more beneficial to print off the quote or saying and stick it on your wall next to bed or something? Maybe make it a screensaver? Also, everyone knows you ripped that quote off of someone because the odds aren't in favor of you having the ability to come up with something that profound on your own.

4) The "Emo Song Lyric" Name: This is a frequently used type of name that high school and university students love to use. Their bodies are going through change (or something) and they just don't know how to cope with life or express their emotions in their own words, so they just steal lyrics from some emo band. Examples of Emo Song Lyric names include "Now cut my wrists and black my eyes" or "Stop burning bridges, and drive off of them, so I can forget about you". If you're feeling emo, stop talking on msn and leave your screen name as is. Then, go cry for a half hour (Hey, you're emo, it's what you do.), and then resume your chatting. Problem solved.

5) The "Running Commentary" name: This type of name is by far the most annoying one out there. Oddly enough, it is probably the most commonly used. This one is exactly as described, a running commentary of the user's life. To clarify, if you've "gone to the store to get milk", or you're "in the shower, back in 5 mins", just put your status on away, and go wherever it is that you need to go. Either that or log off. Believe it or not, there is no one on your contact list that needs or wants to know your whereabouts at all times.

6) The "Superfluous Punctuation" Name: This name is the most ridiculous of the bunch. If anything, it just illustrates how excitable you are or how much of a teeny-bopper you are. This name is always in the form of either a statement which ends with three exclamation marks (!!!) or three question marks (???). Examples of this name include "exam time!!!", or "It's snowing in May???". What I want to know is, what more can you say with three question marks than you can with only one question mark?(??)

Stay tuned for Part 3, which details how you can use all the perks and other toold of MSN to express yourself.

posted by Chesterfield McFisticuffs III @ 3:17 a.m. 7 comments

A Primer in creating your MSN and IM Identity (PART 1)

This pose seems to be a very popular and common choice for one's MSN profile picture. The user's goal with this photo is to show everyone who clicks on their MSN profile exactly how cool they in fact are. Note the attempt to create a face that shows how much of a party animal they are, and the attempted look of arrogance and confidence that displays exactly how cool they think they are. Honorable mention goes to the squinty eyes and mouth shape that almost creates the impression of an "I'm living large" sneer directed at those who are deemed not as cool as the subject in question.

In reality, this pose seems to create more of an air of insecurity and begs the question, if you're so cool, why the heck is this picture being taken in your room, and furthermore, why are YOU holding the camera?


Another popular MSN pose is the thoughtful pose. This pose endeavors to show exactly how deep you are (which, if you need to express that through this kind of picture, is only as deep as the shallow end of the public park's wading pool), and also is meant to serve as a gateway to your inner soul... or something. Seriously, this pose is almost as overplayed as the latest Nickelback song. The authenticity of a picture like this is marginal at best, and it would probably be a lot more convincing if it were taken in front of a more scenic background than that of your dorm room or student apartment. If anything, this pose does nothing but indicate that you're too unoriginal to come up with a better picture.


For those that don't want to waste their digital camera batteries, or just want to use all the tools at their disposal, the webcam shot is a very feasible option. I'm not sure what the purpose of this picture is other than to provide the viewer with a grainy, low resolution, and poorly lighted picture. The only other purpose it serves is to creep out the viewer by begging the question, "What other purposes does a webcam serve?". (Disclaimer: This picture was not taken with a webcam but with a cell-phone to create the impression of a webcam. I do not own a webcam... ew.)


Lastly, a classic MSN picture is one that tries to show off who you're friends are, and how many of them you have. This picture can come in various forms in terms of how many friends actually appear in the picture. Some choose to showcase one friend who may be more popular (and/or ridiculously good looking... Ty, have you been working out?), than all the others. Some choose to go with a quantitative approach and attempt to show off as many of their friends as they possibly can. It's all well and good that you have friends, but leave the "show and tell" in kindergarten where it belongs. Also, if you need to show a picture such as these, chances are that your "friend" looks as awkward as Ty does in this picture because he/she knows exactly what you're trying to pull.

Next up... Instant Messenger Screen Names: A tutorial on how to make your innermost feelings known to the entire online community...

posted by Chesterfield McFisticuffs III @ 12:55 a.m. 7 comments