The Golden Rule of Parenting
This particular incident took place a while ago, but even after a month or two, the fact that I actually witnessed this event unfold is still every bit as incredible and humorous as it was immediately after the fact.I had to go to the bank and deposit some money into a roommate's account so that he could pay our rent for that particular month. As i drove into the parking lot and by the front of the bank, I happened to glance over my right shoulder, in the general vicinity of the entrance to the bank. What I saw caused me to do a double take and almost crash my car into another car that was stopped directly in front of me. A child of approximately 5 years old was standing in the opening to the bank, with the two sliding doors open, pants around his ankles, in a slight crouch, and wearing a huge smile on his face. There could be various reasons that he would be wearing such a smile, such as the feeling of freedom that comes with being naked or the satisfaction of a well executed and well timed mooning. However, in this particular case, the individual in question was wearing an ear-to-ear smile because he was peeing out the front door of a TD Canada Trust directly onto the sidewalk and the feet of all surprised passersby.
I parked my car, wondering if what I had seen had actually taken place. Upon approaching the bank, the big puddle outside of the bank confirmed that it had all been real. This in itself would be a good story had it ended there. However, there's more to this particular tale.
As I entered the bank, I noticed the same kid, standing in front of the bank machines. He was pressed up against the glass, with his lips blowing on the window and his cheeks puffed out. Also present was his younger brother, who was about 3 years old. There was no parent in sight. I proceeded into the bank and went to the end of a long line. While I was in line, this same kid came into the bank and tried to climb into the shelving underneath a giant fish tank that was there for display. A bank employee came out from behind the counter and scolded the child, telling him that he was scaring the fish. Once the employee went back to the counter, the kid tried to climb under the tank again, only this time, his 3-year old brother kept telling him not to do it. Does anyone else see anything wrong with this picture? I find it kind of ironic that rather than a parent telling their child to stop misbehaving, it was a 3-year old toddler with snot all over his face trying to keep his older brother out of trouble. The mother, who I had failed to locate earlier, was no more than 4 feet in front of me, in the same line, and was completely oblivious (read: moronic). She did nothing more than utter 2 or 3 words in another language to her misbehaving son before turning around and focusing on her banking (read: standing in line). One woman in the line was so disgusted at the ineptitude of the mother that she went over to the child, yanked him out of the shelving and took him back to his mother, before saying loudly "Are you stupid or something?" With another blank stare, the mother ignored her kid, and he took off again.
A couple of minutes elapsed before there was a shriek from the front entrance of the bank. Everybody in line turned in that direction and believe it or not, the kid had not fully emptied his bladder in his previous foray to the sidewalk. This time however, there were no innocent bystanders as the kid was standing right in front of an elderly lady, whose legs and shoes were getting saturated.
I learned that day that apparently potty training is not as high up on some parents' to-do lists as it should be. It's pretty incomprehensible. You buy a pet such as a dog, and one of the first things you do is teach it not to pee all over the rug. When you have a child, you potty train them at a young age. Those parents must have skipped that chapter in the handbook without realizing it.
I've definitely learned my lesson. My kids will never use their hose in public unless they become firemen.
posted by Chesterfield McFisticuffs III @ 4:26 p.m.
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