The Office
It’s been a long absence, but now that I’ve seemingly gotten my post-university life into some semblance of order (read: found a damn job), I figure that I will have a lot more to write about and reflect on.Earlier this month, I became gainfully employed at the head office of Dell Canada in Toronto. Having never had a position of any consequence in a major company, let alone a large office building, I wasn’t sure what to expect, and I also assumed that it would be a pretty boring environment with not a lot going on. I was wrong. This place is packed to the rafters with comedic gold. I wish I had watched the television show “The Office” before I started this job, because I’m pretty sure that I would have been tingling with excitement at all the drama, humor, and irony that I have encountered since I started here only 3 weeks ago.
By the time my first day was half over I was in shock. Half of me wanted to quit and the other half of me wanted to explode on someone. I was originally scheduled to start work on a Monday, but a last minute phone call pushed by start date back three days to a Thursday, so they could – and I quote – get things such as my phone, computer, and e-mail ready for me when I started. Remember these details later on.
On my first day, I showed up 15 minutes early, figuring I could make a decent impression. At 8:45 I walked into reception and asked the receptionist to let my new boss know that I was here so that he could come and direct me where I was supposed to go. The receptionist indicated she would let him know, and then proceeded to do absolutely nothing of the sort as I walked over and sat down in a visitor’s chair. After 25 minutes of watching the news on the TV, I walked back over to the desk and asked her if she had let my boss know that I was here, because I was scheduled to start work 10 minutes previous. She responded by saying, “I didn’t know you were a new hire, I will page him right away!” Incredibly, she hadn’t even called him, but rather sent him an e-mail saying that someone was here to see him. Good work, its reasons like that why you’re on THIS side of the security doors and not in the office itself. After several calls and pages, I was informed that my new boss was “in a meeting”. I proceeded to go back and get comfortable in the visitor seating, knowing I was probably going to be hanging out for a while. At 10:00 – and three cycles of the morning news later – I was finally met and brought to my desk, which was not surprisingly devoid of any work related tools that I might need, such as a computer and a phone.
I’d like to be able to say that my first day was a blur, but it actually more of a crab-walk… backwards. After being promised that I would be “fully equipped” by lunch, I sat at my desk, twiddling my thumbs until 4:00, when I was provided with a broken laptop. On Day 2, I actually got some work done, but it only took me 2 hours to finish the reports they assigned me, reports that they figured would take the whole day to do. On a positive note, I did manage to win the World Series of Poker Game on my cell phone. Since my computer was broken and not able to connect to the network, I had no work to do the following day either, which prompted my boss to say, “You’d think that we would be able to get you a working computer, considering the industry we’re in!” No kidding, boss. Maybe that says more about your product than it does about your IT department’s capability to get me a machine so I can start doing the work that you’re paying me for. As for the phone, I’ve been here 3 weeks and I can’t leave anyone a voicemail, since I still don’t have one set up for myself. Dell, a model of efficiency.
My desk is also unfortunately located right on the fringe of the sales department. I share a cubicle wall with a Chinese guy in the Sales department. Apparently his name is Bob, and he has THE thickest accent I have ever heard. Also, from what I gather he is the hotshot in the sales department, because people are always asking him to help them out. I don’t understand this for the life of me, since I can’t understand a word he is saying. I almost laugh out loud when he answers the phone because he emphasizes all the wrong words. For example, he answers the phone like so: “Dellbob, SPEAK…ing” (and yes, I know that “Dell” and “Bob” are two separate words, but apparently Bob doesn’t know that). He also had a 20 minute conversation yesterday with a customer about “Michael-soft”, which, as Tyler Wells tells me, is the softest of the Michaels. Sometimes he will take a call from a friend, and proceed to yell in Chinese into the phone at the top of his lungs. I don’t understand the change in volume from English to Chinese, but maybe that’s because I know nothing about the Chinese Language.
A trend that I have discovered as common practice in this particular office building is one that I call, “zoning out”, simply because it reminds me of Office Space, where Peter tells the consultants that he comes into work and stares at his computer screen for the first 90 minutes of his day. At our building, the common practice is to come in to work, turn your computer on, and then make a break for the coffee shop on the main floor and hang out there until 10. I would love to see the productivity numbers for the first hour of the day. On second thought, maybe that’s where my boss was on my first day.
Lastly, a story for all of you “Facebookers” out there. On one of my breaks, I was in the elevator on my way to the coffee shop with two women. They were engaged in a very animated conversation about ex-boyfriends and one of the women went on a rant about her ex-boyfriend, whom she had “caught” wearing a sweater – in the presence of another girl, no less – that she had given him on an anniversary of some sort. That in itself is funny enough, but she then proceeded to say that she had found out through a picture that she had seen of him on Facebook. Thank God we have Facebook to keep tabs on all those who have wronged us in our lives. It’s nice to know that the Facebook Stalker transcends multiple demographics and isn’t limited to just the university/college population.
While this is just a small sampling of things that I have learned and experienced in the life of an office worker, I am confident that there will be much more idiocy to encounter and report on my newly resurrected blog in the weeks to come. Enjoy.
posted by Chesterfield McFisticuffs III @ 3:02 p.m.
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