The Office 2: Farewell to DellBob
After a three week hiatus, I’m happy to report that my job is still entertaining, if not because of the work that I’m doing, then because of dynamic of the office. Speaking of which, I still haven’t watched that show, so if anyone has a copy of the first season on DVD, please let me know so that I can borrow it.Since the last time I wrote – and only 2 and a half weeks into my Dell tenure - I’ve had my desk moved. It’s not surprising that the computer company that couldn’t provide me with a computer also couldn’t decide where I was supposed to sit, but I digress. I’m actually quite pleased at the change of scenery for a number of reasons.
The first of these reasons is a tad bittersweet. With my relocation, I’ve had to say goodbye to DellBob whom, while extremely loud and annoying, had provided me with lots of entertainment through his choppy accent and chronic mispronunciation of words. Just the other day he was speaking with a customer about a piece of software that apparently was “the wong one”, which must be some program out of Asia that I haven’t heard of yet. I’ll have to ask him next time I see him.
There are a lot of other reasons that I’m happy about the move as well. My old desk was right beside a very commonly used boardroom. This board room is booked solidly pretty much every day from morning till night with meetings. On a side note, there are some employees that I’ve encountered here that do nothing except “meet”. I see them in that boardroom between 4 and 6 times every day and I’m convinced that at least half of their meetings are just hang out time with the buddies in which they talk about sports and women. I hear way too much laughter coming out of that boardroom, and I know for a fact that their jobs are not even anywhere close to being fun.
Speaking of boardroom noise, I’ve come to the understanding that the louder you are, the more likely you are to make your way higher in the company hierarchy. When the boardroom is in use, the next group of corporate types who are slated to use the boardroom are congregating 3 inches away from my desk having a conversation which could also double as a pep rally or a screaming match. The conversation starts off at a regular volume. Occasionally, one of the more astute upper management types will realize that I’m talking to a major client on the phone – or that I’m on the phone, period – and begin his conversation in a near-whisper. All that is short-lived, however, as every single conversation that takes place outside of that boardroom escalates into a contest in which each member of the conversation tries to talk louder than the person who precedes him. They do this for two reasons: 1) they feel more important when the talk loud and 2) they want everyone else to know how important they are by ensuring that the rest of the office can hear about all the important things that they talk about.
The lady in sales on the other side of my cubicle wall caught on to this ruse pretty quickly, and as a result, has decided to attempt to parlay her piercing, annoying, “cut through all sound barriers like a hot knife through butter” voice into a promotion. She is late for every work day, but I know when she is coming because I can hear her voice carrying ahead of her, almost like a warning to all people within a 50 metre radius to get off the phone and cover their ears, because the bullhorn is about to power on. I really don’t think she understands the concept of the cubicle layout in the office. There are no ceilings or doors on anyone’s cubicle, so everybody in the office can hear everything she is talking about. Take, for example, the snow storm we had a couple of weeks ago. Her kids were off school for a snow day, and from the conversation that I could hear if I were a block away, I deduced that she had 2 girls and a young boy, with the oldest child of about 13 years being in charge of looking after the home for the day. Apparently there was some sort of skirmish at home in which the youngest wanted to play PS2 while the girls wanted to watch some inane and unrealistic girly movie, most likely something along the lines of “The Notebook”. Not surprisingly, the young male, who has proved himself to be quite intelligent already in his movie selection, said “No Dice”, and all hell broke loose. Needless to say, everyone in the office knows exactly what happened, since she was taking turns screaming at each one of her kids on the phone for about 20 minutes.
One trend that I have noticed is that the men of the office can’t handle more than an hour in the office at the time and as a result there is a constant stream to the men’s bathroom (no pun intended). I never thought that I would find a men’s bathroom to be a lively place, but at Dell, this is the case. I often find co-workers catching up on the happenings in each other’s lives over a trip to the urinal, which at times, continues with both men leaning against the sink and continuing their conversations while other men awkwardly reach around them to wash their hands after doing their own business. One would think that this is a place where no one will be disturbed by loud and rambunctious conversation, but that would be a false assumption, especially for the Bathroom DJ.
The Bathroom DJ is an actual person at Dell, one that I have yet to identify because I have never seen him. However, I have heard him on more than one occasion (3 times and counting). This DJ is an African-American male who is always in the corner stall, chatting away to someone on his cell phone while “sitting down”. Not only is it odd to talk to someone while you’re dropping the kids off at the pool, it’s even more strange to intersperse your phone conversation with, “what dong do you want to hear?”, followed by a riveting live performance of whatever song the girl on the other end wants to hear. I don’t think I’ve ever booked it out of a washroom so fast in my life. How can I concentrate on my own sit down job when I have to listen to some guy in the stall next to me serenading his girlfriend over the phone in a public restroom?
Having left DellBob and the lady with the megaphone voice behind, I thought that my new area of the office would be a lot less lively. I was wrong, but that’s a story for next time. Check back in a few days.
posted by Chesterfield McFisticuffs III @ 8:46 p.m.
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