The Office 2: Farewell to DellBob
After a three week hiatus, I’m happy to report that my job is still entertaining, if not because of the work that I’m doing, then because of dynamic of the office. Speaking of which, I still haven’t watched that show, so if anyone has a copy of the first season on DVD, please let me know so that I can borrow it.
Since the last time I wrote – and only 2 and a half weeks into my Dell tenure - I’ve had my desk moved. It’s not surprising that the computer company that couldn’t provide me with a computer also couldn’t decide where I was supposed to sit, but I digress. I’m actually quite pleased at the change of scenery for a number of reasons.
The first of these reasons is a tad bittersweet. With my relocation, I’ve had to say goodbye to DellBob whom, while extremely loud and annoying, had provided me with lots of entertainment through his choppy accent and chronic mispronunciation of words. Just the other day he was speaking with a customer about a piece of software that apparently was “the wong one”, which must be some program out of Asia that I haven’t heard of yet. I’ll have to ask him next time I see him.
There are a lot of other reasons that I’m happy about the move as well. My old desk was right beside a very commonly used boardroom. This board room is booked solidly pretty much every day from morning till night with meetings. On a side note, there are some employees that I’ve encountered here that do nothing except “meet”. I see them in that boardroom between 4 and 6 times every day and I’m convinced that at least half of their meetings are just hang out time with the buddies in which they talk about sports and women. I hear way too much laughter coming out of that boardroom, and I know for a fact that their jobs are not even anywhere close to being fun.
Speaking of boardroom noise, I’ve come to the understanding that the louder you are, the more likely you are to make your way higher in the company hierarchy. When the boardroom is in use, the next group of corporate types who are slated to use the boardroom are congregating 3 inches away from my desk having a conversation which could also double as a pep rally or a screaming match. The conversation starts off at a regular volume. Occasionally, one of the more astute upper management types will realize that I’m talking to a major client on the phone – or that I’m on the phone, period – and begin his conversation in a near-whisper. All that is short-lived, however, as every single conversation that takes place outside of that boardroom escalates into a contest in which each member of the conversation tries to talk louder than the person who precedes him. They do this for two reasons: 1) they feel more important when the talk loud and 2) they want everyone else to know how important they are by ensuring that the rest of the office can hear about all the important things that they talk about.
The lady in sales on the other side of my cubicle wall caught on to this ruse pretty quickly, and as a result, has decided to attempt to parlay her piercing, annoying, “cut through all sound barriers like a hot knife through butter” voice into a promotion. She is late for every work day, but I know when she is coming because I can hear her voice carrying ahead of her, almost like a warning to all people within a 50 metre radius to get off the phone and cover their ears, because the bullhorn is about to power on. I really don’t think she understands the concept of the cubicle layout in the office. There are no ceilings or doors on anyone’s cubicle, so everybody in the office can hear everything she is talking about. Take, for example, the snow storm we had a couple of weeks ago. Her kids were off school for a snow day, and from the conversation that I could hear if I were a block away, I deduced that she had 2 girls and a young boy, with the oldest child of about 13 years being in charge of looking after the home for the day. Apparently there was some sort of skirmish at home in which the youngest wanted to play PS2 while the girls wanted to watch some inane and unrealistic girly movie, most likely something along the lines of “The Notebook”. Not surprisingly, the young male, who has proved himself to be quite intelligent already in his movie selection, said “No Dice”, and all hell broke loose. Needless to say, everyone in the office knows exactly what happened, since she was taking turns screaming at each one of her kids on the phone for about 20 minutes.
One trend that I have noticed is that the men of the office can’t handle more than an hour in the office at the time and as a result there is a constant stream to the men’s bathroom (no pun intended). I never thought that I would find a men’s bathroom to be a lively place, but at Dell, this is the case. I often find co-workers catching up on the happenings in each other’s lives over a trip to the urinal, which at times, continues with both men leaning against the sink and continuing their conversations while other men awkwardly reach around them to wash their hands after doing their own business. One would think that this is a place where no one will be disturbed by loud and rambunctious conversation, but that would be a false assumption, especially for the Bathroom DJ.
The Bathroom DJ is an actual person at Dell, one that I have yet to identify because I have never seen him. However, I have heard him on more than one occasion (3 times and counting). This DJ is an African-American male who is always in the corner stall, chatting away to someone on his cell phone while “sitting down”. Not only is it odd to talk to someone while you’re dropping the kids off at the pool, it’s even more strange to intersperse your phone conversation with, “what dong do you want to hear?”, followed by a riveting live performance of whatever song the girl on the other end wants to hear. I don’t think I’ve ever booked it out of a washroom so fast in my life. How can I concentrate on my own sit down job when I have to listen to some guy in the stall next to me serenading his girlfriend over the phone in a public restroom?
Having left DellBob and the lady with the megaphone voice behind, I thought that my new area of the office would be a lot less lively. I was wrong, but that’s a story for next time. Check back in a few days.
The Office
It’s been a long absence, but now that I’ve seemingly gotten my post-university life into some semblance of order (read: found a damn job), I figure that I will have a lot more to write about and reflect on.
Earlier this month, I became gainfully employed at the head office of Dell Canada in Toronto. Having never had a position of any consequence in a major company, let alone a large office building, I wasn’t sure what to expect, and I also assumed that it would be a pretty boring environment with not a lot going on. I was wrong. This place is packed to the rafters with comedic gold. I wish I had watched the television show “The Office” before I started this job, because I’m pretty sure that I would have been tingling with excitement at all the drama, humor, and irony that I have encountered since I started here only 3 weeks ago.
By the time my first day was half over I was in shock. Half of me wanted to quit and the other half of me wanted to explode on someone. I was originally scheduled to start work on a Monday, but a last minute phone call pushed by start date back three days to a Thursday, so they could – and I quote – get things such as my phone, computer, and e-mail ready for me when I started. Remember these details later on.
On my first day, I showed up 15 minutes early, figuring I could make a decent impression. At 8:45 I walked into reception and asked the receptionist to let my new boss know that I was here so that he could come and direct me where I was supposed to go. The receptionist indicated she would let him know, and then proceeded to do absolutely nothing of the sort as I walked over and sat down in a visitor’s chair. After 25 minutes of watching the news on the TV, I walked back over to the desk and asked her if she had let my boss know that I was here, because I was scheduled to start work 10 minutes previous. She responded by saying, “I didn’t know you were a new hire, I will page him right away!” Incredibly, she hadn’t even called him, but rather sent him an e-mail saying that someone was here to see him. Good work, its reasons like that why you’re on THIS side of the security doors and not in the office itself. After several calls and pages, I was informed that my new boss was “in a meeting”. I proceeded to go back and get comfortable in the visitor seating, knowing I was probably going to be hanging out for a while. At 10:00 – and three cycles of the morning news later – I was finally met and brought to my desk, which was not surprisingly devoid of any work related tools that I might need, such as a computer and a phone.
I’d like to be able to say that my first day was a blur, but it actually more of a crab-walk… backwards. After being promised that I would be “fully equipped” by lunch, I sat at my desk, twiddling my thumbs until 4:00, when I was provided with a broken laptop. On Day 2, I actually got some work done, but it only took me 2 hours to finish the reports they assigned me, reports that they figured would take the whole day to do. On a positive note, I did manage to win the World Series of Poker Game on my cell phone. Since my computer was broken and not able to connect to the network, I had no work to do the following day either, which prompted my boss to say, “You’d think that we would be able to get you a working computer, considering the industry we’re in!” No kidding, boss. Maybe that says more about your product than it does about your IT department’s capability to get me a machine so I can start doing the work that you’re paying me for. As for the phone, I’ve been here 3 weeks and I can’t leave anyone a voicemail, since I still don’t have one set up for myself. Dell, a model of efficiency.
My desk is also unfortunately located right on the fringe of the sales department. I share a cubicle wall with a Chinese guy in the Sales department. Apparently his name is Bob, and he has THE thickest accent I have ever heard. Also, from what I gather he is the hotshot in the sales department, because people are always asking him to help them out. I don’t understand this for the life of me, since I can’t understand a word he is saying. I almost laugh out loud when he answers the phone because he emphasizes all the wrong words. For example, he answers the phone like so: “Dellbob, SPEAK…ing” (and yes, I know that “Dell” and “Bob” are two separate words, but apparently Bob doesn’t know that). He also had a 20 minute conversation yesterday with a customer about “Michael-soft”, which, as Tyler Wells tells me, is the softest of the Michaels. Sometimes he will take a call from a friend, and proceed to yell in Chinese into the phone at the top of his lungs. I don’t understand the change in volume from English to Chinese, but maybe that’s because I know nothing about the Chinese Language.
A trend that I have discovered as common practice in this particular office building is one that I call, “zoning out”, simply because it reminds me of Office Space, where Peter tells the consultants that he comes into work and stares at his computer screen for the first 90 minutes of his day. At our building, the common practice is to come in to work, turn your computer on, and then make a break for the coffee shop on the main floor and hang out there until 10. I would love to see the productivity numbers for the first hour of the day. On second thought, maybe that’s where my boss was on my first day.
Lastly, a story for all of you “Facebookers” out there. On one of my breaks, I was in the elevator on my way to the coffee shop with two women. They were engaged in a very animated conversation about ex-boyfriends and one of the women went on a rant about her ex-boyfriend, whom she had “caught” wearing a sweater – in the presence of another girl, no less – that she had given him on an anniversary of some sort. That in itself is funny enough, but she then proceeded to say that she had found out through a picture that she had seen of him on Facebook. Thank God we have Facebook to keep tabs on all those who have wronged us in our lives. It’s nice to know that the Facebook Stalker transcends multiple demographics and isn’t limited to just the university/college population.
While this is just a small sampling of things that I have learned and experienced in the life of an office worker, I am confident that there will be much more idiocy to encounter and report on my newly resurrected blog in the weeks to come. Enjoy.
The Golden Rule of Parenting
This particular incident took place a while ago, but even after a month or two, the fact that I actually witnessed this event unfold is still every bit as incredible and humorous as it was immediately after the fact.
I had to go to the bank and deposit some money into a roommate's account so that he could pay our rent for that particular month. As i drove into the parking lot and by the front of the bank, I happened to glance over my right shoulder, in the general vicinity of the entrance to the bank. What I saw caused me to do a double take and almost crash my car into another car that was stopped directly in front of me. A child of approximately 5 years old was standing in the opening to the bank, with the two sliding doors open, pants around his ankles, in a slight crouch, and wearing a huge smile on his face. There could be various reasons that he would be wearing such a smile, such as the feeling of freedom that comes with being naked or the satisfaction of a well executed and well timed mooning. However, in this particular case, the individual in question was wearing an ear-to-ear smile because he was
peeing out the front door of a TD Canada Trust directly onto the sidewalk and the feet of all surprised passersby.
I parked my car, wondering if what I had seen had actually taken place. Upon approaching the bank, the big puddle outside of the bank confirmed that it had all been real. This in itself would be a good story had it ended there. However, there's more to this particular tale.
As I entered the bank, I noticed the same kid, standing in front of the bank machines. He was pressed up against the glass, with his lips blowing on the window and his cheeks puffed out. Also present was his younger brother, who was about 3 years old. There was no parent in sight. I proceeded into the bank and went to the end of a long line. While I was in line, this same kid came into the bank and tried to climb into the shelving underneath a giant fish tank that was there for display. A bank employee came out from behind the counter and scolded the child, telling him that he was scaring the fish. Once the employee went back to the counter, the kid tried to climb under the tank again, only this time, his 3-year old brother kept telling him not to do it. Does anyone else see anything wrong with this picture? I find it kind of ironic that rather than a parent telling their child to stop misbehaving, it was a 3-year old toddler with snot all over his face trying to keep his older brother out of trouble. The mother, who I had failed to locate earlier, was no more than 4 feet in front of me, in the same line, and was completely oblivious (read: moronic). She did nothing more than utter 2 or 3 words in another language to her misbehaving son before turning around and focusing on her banking (read: standing in line). One woman in the line was so disgusted at the ineptitude of the mother that she went over to the child, yanked him out of the shelving and took him back to his mother, before saying loudly "Are you stupid or something?" With another blank stare, the mother ignored her kid, and he took off again.
A couple of minutes elapsed before there was a shriek from the front entrance of the bank. Everybody in line turned in that direction and believe it or not, the kid had not fully emptied his bladder in his previous foray to the sidewalk. This time however, there were no innocent bystanders as the kid was standing right in front of an elderly lady, whose legs and shoes were getting saturated.
I learned that day that apparently potty training is not as high up on some parents' to-do lists as it should be. It's pretty incomprehensible. You buy a pet such as a dog, and one of the first things you do is teach it not to pee all over the rug. When you have a child, you potty train them at a young age. Those parents must have skipped that chapter in the handbook without realizing it.
I've definitely learned my lesson. My kids will never use their hose in public unless they become firemen.
A Primer in Creating Your MSN and IM Identity (Part 2)
As promised, here is part 2 of 3 in a series teaching you how to create your MSN Identity.
After determining which classification of photo best suits your MSN needs, it is important to create an MSN name that not only identifies who you are but also defines your character and your personality.
There are 6 distinct categories of MSN names that exist, each as generic as all the others. No matter how unique you think you are when you come up with an MSN name, you will ultimately end up with a name that falls under the wings of one or more of these categories. The kicker is, none of them are any good.
1)
The "Hopelessly Romantic" name (also known as the Pathetically Romantic name... or just drop the Romantic part so it just reads "hopeless"): The Hopelessly Romantic name is one of my favorite categories, mainly because it's so hilarious. For one, its not as popular as you think it is, and that reason alone makes it funny because the person who uses this category thinks that its normal for the average couple to proclaim their love for each other over the world wide web. Examples of this type of name can be: "Baby, I'm so in love with you", or "I love you so much, you are my world". Anything along those lines can work. I think that the people who choose this type of name are some of the least self conscious people around. I mean, I'm sure your significant other knows how much you care about them, and if they don't, an MSN name probably isn't the proper medium with which to let them know. Using this type of name is the equivalent of making out in front of your parents. Please, if you really want to be mushy with your potential future spouse, use the phone, at least we don't have to listen to it.
2)
The "Inside Joke" name: It could be something that was said when you were out the night before, or a comment about an experience that you shared with a friend of yours at some point, but ultimately it only has relevance to to you and the people you shared it with. Outside of those people, no one really cares. You either have this name because you feel the need to change your MSN name and you have no idea what to change it to, or you're starved for attention and you want someone to ask you the meaning of the name so you can tell them the relatively unfunny story behind it. An example of this name is "Batten down the hatches MATEY... Great Night Boys!". I'm sure it was a great night, and if you enjoyed it so much, maybe bring it up with that group in casual conversation. Also, I don't have a clue on earth what hatches or "matey" have to do with anything, but I do know that I really don't care.
3)
The "Deeply Philosophical" name: This name is either a philosophical statement or a direct quote, most of the time profound, from someone famous. This type of name most often appears when the user is confused, or going through trying times, and as a result they feel the need to take inspiration from elsewhere. Either that or they just want to seem like they are smarter than you. Examples of such are "There is no afterlife, so live for the moment", or "Only the descent into the hell of self-knowledge can pave the way to godliness." That's all well and good, but how does posting such inspiration on your MSN name help you? Wouldn't it be more beneficial to print off the quote or saying and stick it on your wall next to bed or something? Maybe make it a screensaver? Also, everyone knows you ripped that quote off of someone because the odds aren't in favor of you having the ability to come up with something that profound on your own.
4)
The "Emo Song Lyric" Name: This is a frequently used type of name that high school and university students love to use. Their bodies are going through change (or something) and they just don't know how to cope with life or express their emotions in their own words, so they just steal lyrics from some emo band. Examples of Emo Song Lyric names include "Now cut my wrists and black my eyes" or "Stop burning bridges, and drive off of them, so I can forget about you". If you're feeling emo, stop talking on msn and leave your screen name as is. Then, go cry for a half hour (Hey, you're emo, it's what you do.), and then resume your chatting. Problem solved.
5)
The "Running Commentary" name: This type of name is by far the most annoying one out there. Oddly enough, it is probably the most commonly used. This one is exactly as described, a running commentary of the user's life. To clarify, if you've "gone to the store to get milk", or you're "in the shower, back in 5 mins", just put your status on away, and go wherever it is that you need to go. Either that or log off. Believe it or not, there is no one on your contact list that
needs or
wants to know your whereabouts at all times.
6)
The "Superfluous Punctuation" Name: This name is the most ridiculous of the bunch. If anything, it just illustrates how excitable you are or how much of a teeny-bopper you are. This name is always in the form of either a statement which ends with three exclamation marks (!!!) or three question marks (???). Examples of this name include "exam time!!!", or "It's snowing in May???". What I want to know is, what more can you say with three question marks than you can with only one question mark?(??)
Stay tuned for Part 3, which details how you can use all the perks and other toold of MSN to express yourself.
A Primer in creating your MSN and IM Identity (PART 1)
As I was looking for ways to procrastinate from studying, I began looking at people's msn profiles and began to notice some very compelling similiarities between many of these profiles. It made me realize how ridiculous we make ourselves look over the internet. With a culture that is becoming more and more obsessed with Instant Messenger programs and sites such as MySpace, it is important for the new user to understand the etiquette and how-to when it comes to creating your own personal profile to be viewed by hundreds of thousands of internet useers.
This is part 1 of 3 segments that will inform you, the user, on how you can maximize your internet profile. This segment focuses on your MSN picture.
MSN Profile Pictures:
The "Free Spirit" pose:
This pose seems to be a very popular and common choice for one's MSN profile picture. The user's goal with this photo is to show everyone who clicks on their MSN profile exactly how cool they in fact are. Note the attempt to create a face that shows how much of a party animal they are, and the attempted look of arrogance and confidence that displays exactly how cool they think they are. Honorable mention goes to the squinty eyes and mouth shape that almost creates the impression of an "I'm living large" sneer directed at those who are deemed not as cool as the subject in question.
In reality, this pose seems to create more of an air of insecurity and begs the question, if you're so cool, why the heck is this picture being taken in your room, and furthermore, why are YOU holding the camera?
The "Thoughtful" pose (AKA The Contemplative Pose):
Another popular MSN pose is the thoughtful pose. This pose endeavors to show exactly how deep you are (which, if you need to express that through this kind of picture, is only as deep as the shallow end of the public park's wading pool), and also is meant to serve as a gateway to your inner soul... or something. Seriously, this pose is almost as overplayed as the latest Nickelback song. The authenticity of a picture like this is marginal at best, and it would probably be a lot more convincing if it were taken in front of a more scenic background than that of your dorm room or student apartment. If anything, this pose does nothing but indicate that you're too unoriginal to come up with a better picture.
The "Webcam" pose:
For those that don't want to waste their digital camera batteries, or just want to use all the tools at their disposal, the webcam shot is a very feasible option. I'm not sure what the purpose of this picture is other than to provide the viewer with a grainy, low resolution, and poorly lighted picture. The only other purpose it serves is to creep out the viewer by begging the question, "What other purposes does a webcam serve?". (Disclaimer: This picture was not taken with a webcam but with a cell-phone to create the impression of a webcam. I do not own a webcam... ew.)
The "Awkward Friend(s)" pose:
Lastly, a classic MSN picture is one that tries to show off who you're friends are, and how many of them you have. This picture can come in various forms in terms of how many friends actually appear in the picture. Some choose to showcase one friend who may be more popular (and/or ridiculously good looking... Ty, have you been working out?), than all the others. Some choose to go with a quantitative approach and attempt to show off as many of their friends as they possibly can. It's all well and good that you have friends, but leave the "show and tell" in kindergarten where it belongs. Also, if you need to show a picture such as these, chances are that your "friend" looks as awkward as Ty does in this picture because he/she knows exactly what you're trying to pull.
Next up... Instant Messenger Screen Names: A tutorial on how to make your innermost feelings known to the entire online community...
Illegal use of a condiment
I seem to have a love/hate relationship with Ketchup. I love it because it is the greatest condiment on the face of the Earth. I put it on everything, be it Grilled Cheese Sandwiches or French Toast. I consume it in mass amounts. I buy it by the 4 Litre Can and I store it in my room, away from the prying chicken fingers and french fries of those I live with. While I enjoy the taste of ketchup more than any other thing that I've ever tasted, I also endure several trials and tribulations due to my "ketchup tooth" (see
this particular blog entry for an example of an unhappy ending from an encounter with my beloved kecthup) and no, they don't involve half hour excursions to the john.
While Ketchup and I had gotten along quite well as of late, with no damaging stains or anything of the sort to speak of, our burgeoning friendship took a step back last week. As is the case with any disagreement that Ketchup and I have, I was once again the victim. I was out at Centerpoint Mall, buying new goaltending pads for the Tyndale Intramural Ball Hockey League, just minding my own business, when I decided that I would have lunch in the food court. I decided on McDonald's, which I'll probably pay for later, but it tastes good going down!
After paying for my purchase, I noticed that this McDonald's, unlike most, did not have a ketchup pump. I had just super sized my fries, and I refuse to eat fries without ketchup. It's just not right. Many of you are probably wondering aloud, "Why not ask the nicely groomed, well educated McDonald's cashier for some packets of Ketchup? Then you would have some ketchup and then this story would have a happy ending..." I don't know about you, but when presented with the choice between using a ketchup pump and using ketchup packets, I always choose the pump. I despise Ketchup Packets with a passion. They are messy, time consuming, and taste terrible, not to mention the fact that I never get as much ketchup as I want.
However, all was not lost as I could see a ketchup pump in my "periph" (for those who aren't versed in the comedic stylings of Dane Cook, 'periph' = peripheral). Yes, New York Fries, 3 booths down, had their own ketchup pump. With this knowledge, I found myself a table and put my coat and food there. I then stealthily made my way over to New York Fries to mine myself some red gold. I filled up 3 dixie cups with said condiment and as I was preparing to make my way back to my seat, I was confronted by the esteemed manager of New York Fries. The conversation went a little something like this:
Manager: Eexcuse me sir, but did you purchase some french fries from us?"
Me (not knowing that he meant in the immediate past): "Absolutely sir."
Manager: "I don't remember serving you, are you sure that you bought fries from us?"
Me: "Yep."
Manager: "I don't think you did, I'm going to have to ask you to give me that ketchup."
Me: "I don't think that's going to happen."
And then I turned and walked away.
I got back to my seat and began to consume my meal when I noticed the manager of New York Fries on the telephone behind the counter of his high class establishment, but thought nothing of it until I was approached by mall security. They informed me that I was to leave the mall and that they would escort me out. So there I went, food piled back into my McDonald's bag, dragging two enormous sets of goalie pads behind me.
So, dear New York Fries Manager, while you may think you scored a moral victory by having me escorted from your low-budget flea market of a mall, I still kept your ketchup... bastard.
Half Man, Half Amazing
Often, when I was growing up I would complain to my parents about certain rules that were in place, regardless of whether they were household rules or society's rules. I'm sure it was the same for all of you when you were growing up as well. However, as you grow older, you realize the necessity for these rules, as they are in place to maintain a certain order within society. Yet, despite this realization, you still feel restricted by society's rules, as if they are unjust and unwarranted, or simply downright absurd. Well, there's a reason for this, and this reason exists in just about every state and province in North America, and it goes to the tune of the following:
For example, in Tucson, Arizona, it is illegal for women to wear pants. In Arkansas, a man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. In Wichita, Kansas, it is illegal to carry a concealed bean snapper
(side note: I'll carry my bean snapper any damn way that I please, concealed or not). There are various laws like these that exist all over the place, some as laughable as the first one listed and others as equally horrifying as the latter two, with one obviously being more horrific than the other.
It's these laughable laws and rules that make you wonder, "Who the hell comes up with these things?". Not only does it make you think that, but it also makes you wonder who in the world is going to enforce a law such as the one that dictates how often a man is allowed beat his wife in Arkansas. One of these instances cropped up this week while I was browsing random news articles on the web.
The article that grabbed my attention had a very unsual title, sticking out in bold letters, and was as follows:
"Legless Football Player Sidelined Over Knee Pad, Shoe Rule".
Now, I'll be the first to admit that the first unusual thing that jumped out (please forgive the pun, it was unintentional) at me from this title was the fact that it involved a legless
football player. It would seem that this designation would be a little oxymoronic, but I digress. The other thing that stuck out in the title of this article was the fact that it seemed that this legless football player was being prohibited from playing the sport he loves because he failed to don protective equipment for body parts that he
does not have. The rule that he had been apparently breaking stated that all high school football players in the state of Ohio have to wear shoes and knee pads or they would be removed from the game. As a result, Bobby Martin was removed from his team's game at halftime. Now I've heard some instance of rules being ridiculously enforced in my time, but this one takes the cake.
This guy probably feels centred out enough on a daily basis, what with having no legs and all, without having national exposure brought upon him because of this moronic event. I would have loved to know what was going through the head of the game official whose job it had been to tell this kid that he couldn't play anymore.
All ranting aside, and at the risk of sounding really really insensitive, there were several items in this article that made me laugh and I can't resist sharing them. The first of these is the first quote from Bobby Martin. When asked how this incident made him feel, he replied, "This is the first time in 17 years that I've actually felt disabled". Either this kid is really really good at lying, or he is living in a parallel universe where people who don't have legs don't notice that they are missing two major limbs.
The second thing in the article that brought a smile to my face was a sidenote that he was also a member of the school wrestling team and was running for homecoming king. They just couldn't resist throwing those tidbits in there in order to leave this story open-ended for follow-ups on the "exploits of Bobby Martin." For all of you readers keeping track at home, the key word there is
exploits. As if the kid hasn't been humiliated enough, local and national outlets are ready to turn him into a massive sideshow. Good job America.
On the plus side, one mistake has been rectified and Bobby Martin is once again allowed to take the field as a member of the punt return team. When asked if he had any encouragement for anyone else in his situation, he said, "Try new things in life, that's what life's all about. Don't look at me as having no legs,
just look at me standing six feet tall".
Great advice in itself Bobby, but last time the athletic board in Ohio followed your advice, you got kicked off the team for not wearing shoes.
